My everyday struggle

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."


Every morning I have a decision to make. I have to decide whether I am going to feed my flesh or I'm going to feed my spirit. Most of the time my flesh wants to take total control and scream out feed me, feel sorry for me, poor me, what about me, then I am reminded of the simple verse that is one of my life verses. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. The Holy Spirit is such a gentleman that He reminds me of this every time I want to feel sorry that I'm the first one awake at the crack of dawn while everyone else is  sound asleep. My flesh is weak but my spirit is willing. 


In this season of my life, I am learning in order to get my home and family not where I want them to be, but where God wants us to be as a family I need to be the intercessor creating that altar and place in my home. I have struggled with this for the past four years. I became a mother by Grace when my husband and I got married.My son's name is Jonathan which means a "Gift from God" and to me that is what he is to me.  I did not know how to juggle being a wife and a new mother all at the same time. Even though I was now a mother to a 16 month old beautiful little boy, he was not always in my care. It was not until I became pregnant with my baby girl Raquel Sofia is when I realized that being a mother full time was going to change my life. You see with Jonathan he was with us four days throughout the week and I believe I never took on to fully be his mother until I had my little girl. I was always afraid, afraid of failing him, failing my husband, failing my God. 


I realized I was not fully trusting in God and with whom God entrusted me with. Throughout my pregnancy it was just God and I. My husband was off to war and I was alone in my city. God taught me about the husband He is to me, the Father He is to me and the most faithful friend I have ever had. When days would go by without hearing from my husband, and I needed to talk to him, I would hear God cry out speak to me, I'm here, I will teach you, I will show you, I will guide you. 


My prayer is to become the wife and mother that God has created to be. To Draw closer to God, and in the early mornings when the day breaks and all in the house is asleep I can be reminded that I want for God to create a pure heart in me, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. That I may be the mother that my children need me to be in their life. In Jesus name I pray. 


So here I am almost two years later and I'm ready to take this challenge head on. Do you ever struggle in the mornings, feeling bad for yourself? I encourage you as I have been encourage to daily ask God for a pure heart and a steadfast spirit.